"It goes to IMs (instant messages), and the hotel room follows pretty soon afterward." C'mon, we're not talking about people looking for an affair, just a cup of coffee with an old friend.
That may be the plan, but Kalish says that's not how it often works out.
But if the relationship feels wrong, please remind yourself that you’re not married until you’ve said “I Do” in front of witnesses.
Which means you are still free to make the best decision for yourself. As science would have it, the best decision could well be returning to your first love. Nancy Kalish, expert on reunited relationships and author of a research-based book, , has interviewed hundreds of lovers who re-established contact with a former flame.
They are in unexpected emotional (and often physical) extramarital affairs with their old flames.
These extramarital reunions were generally not successful, and the reconnections were devastating to the spouses, children, and the lost loves themselves.
"People are just surfing the Internet on a whim," Kalish says.
Two-thirds of the participants had reunited with their first loves from when they were 17 years old or younger. For the overall sample, the staying together rate was 72%. However, something changed as her research model switched to more internet based research.One of the common threads we have noticed from comments to this blog as well as from the emails we receive, is that many of the emotional affairs that exist are being carried out with old boyfriends or girlfriends – many times from decades ago.We thought that was kind of interesting and decided to do a little research on the subject.DEAR ABBY: I'm a happily married man with a great family that's mostly grown. In college I became involved with the woman who would become my wife. I'm afraid to contact her because I don't want to ruin my reputation or hers. Even if there is a spark there, I'm not sure we could sustain a relationship. I'm tortured by the memories of the dance and the hug.In high school I was infatuated with a girl, "Stacy," who was the center of attention, especially from the guys. Before our wedding, I was at a friend's wedding, and Stacy and I danced several dances. I nearly broke up with my fiancee to see if Stacy and I could get together, but common sense prevailed. -- ROMANTIC TEXAN DEAR ROMANTIC: Let common sense prevail again and quit playing with fire before someone gets burned.We were kind of surprised to find out that this sort of thing has been a growing trend.